Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
