im drinking this country out of the recession.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
