i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
