shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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