Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think i have two assholes
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize