yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize