I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
