Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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