A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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