Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
