I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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