You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
