I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize