I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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