I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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