Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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