I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
