Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
