Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
we should paint friendship bongs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
