thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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