i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
