Moan for me like Helen Keller
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
