11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
