theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you had me at cake vodka
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
