You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
