her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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