bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
