what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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