I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That accounts for only three of the penises
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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