just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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