I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
