You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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