Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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