I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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