My room smells like vodka and shame
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
