I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
