You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
