Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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