I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I love having hate sex.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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