She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
