I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
