you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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