And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
