he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
