you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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