I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm passing your future prison.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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