i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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