dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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