You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
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