Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
