i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
