Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
