Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
