For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
