why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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