he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
