READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
