he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
