May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just had sex bonerless
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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