Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Damn victory sex feels great
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
