I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
