i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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