My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
