if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
