She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
