I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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