No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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