I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
