went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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