you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
