I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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