What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
