My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
