Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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